By Kristi Doan
Eden Educator; Community Builder
The Eden Alternative
Topic: Becoming Well-Known
Is there anyone reading this that is a fan of the sitcom Cheers?
If you are a fan, then you’ll recognize these song lyrics (I dare you not to sing it…):
Sometimes you wanna go
Where everybody knows your name
And they’re always glad you came
You wanna be where you can see
Our troubles are all the same
You wanna be where everybody knows your name
Songwriters: Gary Portnoy and Judy Hart
My husband and I went to our favorite fancy restaurant for dinner last weekend to celebrate his birthday.
As we sat there ordering our meals and wine, I was touched at how many people who work at that restaurant came over to check in with us. These check-ins weren’t based in customer service, rather they were genuine engagements between people who have developed knowing relationships with each other.
The sommelier, Erin, came over to catch up with us and we talked about each of our recent travels, dogs, and the pieces of jewelry we were wearing. We trust Erin to make wine pairings that we will like because she knows our tastes – she even remembers wines we have tried and liked in the past. Many of the serving staff also know us and stopped by the table to visit for a few moments. A new general manager recently joined their team and came by to introduce herself, saying that she had heard of us from other staff members. I sat there thinking how heartwarming it is to be in a place where everyone knows you!
Then it occurred to me that there are Elders living in places where people don’t know their names much less their likes and dislikes.
The people that support them don’t have the time to invest the effort to get to know people’s names and they are not encouraged to do that either. In such a place it is not a job expectation to get to know the people you support – in some cases this support is incredibly intimate. The idea of Elders and employees eating together just isn’t done and is labeled as a huge infection control risk. Employees don’t know the names of their peers, supervisors, or managers either.
But what if it could be different? If you think about it being your loved one or yourself living there, my guess is you’d want to be well-known. Imagine if relationships were in the driver’s seat – where systems and processes of care were designed to help people become well-known to one another and find common ground first. What if you were well-known before you moved in or started working there and people called you by name as they met you throughout those first few days and weeks? I know it would impact both the quality of life and quality of care for the people being supported and it would impact my own job satisfaction.
It can be different, and The Eden Alternative® shows us how. The Ten Principles, Domains of Well-Being, and best practices help transform environments so that genuine relationships drive all that happens daily. The rhythm of daily life is tailored to the person because they are known and valued. People know each other’s names, preferences, routines, and interests.
Communication flows easily and trust is built with intentional engagement and effort.
People want to come to live and work there. People live longer, more satisfied lives. People end their workday knowing they made a difference. That is the Eden Approach® in action!
If you have experienced a place or a group where everybody knows your name, then you know how supportive it feels. I encourage you to think of the spaces and places where you are part of creating this feeling for someone else. Learn the names of your neighbors and call out when you see them walk by. Find out the name of each new person who joins your work team and give an enthusiastic welcome. Think about the small details that you know about someone else and figure out how to use that knowledge to make them feel seen and well known.
About The Eden Alternative
Our Mission: To improve the well-being of Elders and their care partners by transforming the communities in which they live and work.
The Eden Alternative offers educational opportunities, consultation and a proven approach to honoring Elderhood – with resources for Elders and care partners to elevate well-being.
About Kristi Doan
Kristi joined the Eden Alternative Home Office Team in January 2022 as a Community Builder and has been involved with The Eden Alternative since 2018.
In her role, she consults with and supports organizations with implementation, creates resources, develops educational tools and materials, and supports networking opportunities between individuals and organizations.
As an Eden Educator, she enjoys facilitating change in communities across the country. Kristi loves spending time exploring the outdoors and has a goal to visit every national park. She lives in Denver with her husband, James, and their four-legged family of multiple cats.
